breathe peace

Warming up . . .

2009-11-15T14:20:00.005-07:00

I have something big goin' on in this head right now. Gestating.
2009 has filled me with experiences, joy, sorrow, wisdom and most of all, vision.

To borrow from the Indigo Girls:
"Now I wait like a widow for someone to come back from sea,
I've always known, I was waiting for me"

From Jamie Glenn:
"Walk tall, you're a daughter, a child of God,
Be strong and remember who you are"

And from scripture, Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

"Search diligently, pray always and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good"

Streams of light are filling my vessel. I feel physically strong and healthy, mentally aware and ready, and spiritually attuned. There is good energy surrounding me, beautiful people and opportunities everywhere I turn.

I love when everything opens up and clarity washes over me. I have a lot to do. Lead my family, guide my birth clients, mentor MCU students, strengthen the Association of Utah Midwives, and a big planet to travel upon.

This month of gratitude is overflowing with blessings. Today's top 5 ~

1. Knowledge of a God in heaven that is aware of me, hears my prayers and holds me gently when I am feeling fragile.

2. Midwives and mamas. Both are wise and powerful. I get to midwife both; as president of Utah's state association and as a birth guide.

3. Jade. Today I am most grateful for Jade. She is brave. She is pretty. She is intuitive. She is mine.

4. My daddy. He speaks to me through sunsets. This first man I ever loved, ahh, I miss him terribly. He taught me to slow down, savor, love deeply, be good to myself, believe in dreams and to never, ever buy cheap shoes!

5. Gina's man, Myles. How can you not love a man that calls you on the phone and says "Is that you KitCat?", folds your laundry and and laughs hard at the ridiculous things that come out of your mouth?

Good things are happening. I'm looking forward. Mmmmmmmm. . .

KitCat, Friday the 13th, 2009, on my way to rock the midwives

Rebirth

2009-11-12T17:13:00.004-07:00

Sailin' on here. . .

I'm getting ready to post birth stories and rebirth my blog. Hopefully tonight if my blog advisor is available. I shut it down to catch my breath and refocus for a minute. My apologies to those of you that couldn't access birthrightly and were confused. I've had a few distressed phone calls. So sorry.
Anyway, for your pleasure while we wait. . .let me introduce you to the new man in my life, Xavier Rudd. Move over Michael. It feels like you are selling out and that scares me. That TapTapTap game and going on tour as John Mayer's opener, not feeling so good right now.

Still, I wish there were something you would do or say,
To try and make me change my mind and stay
(Still got Mary Travers on my mind)

Make some tea, light a yummy candle and maximize the screen. Cozy on up and indulge yourself with the whole 6 minutes and 14 seconds of this asset to the planet.
Everything's gonna be alright. . .
Everything's gonna be alright.
No woman no cry.
All my love,
Cath

Deep sorrow

2009-09-17T14:12:00.009-06:00

I just got the word that Mary Travers is gone, left this world yesterday. I loved her. As I have been sitting here, listening to her beautiful voice, I am realizing how much of an impact this woman has had on me. My very first concert experience was at Selland Arena in Fresno, CA. Me, Gina and my dad. He made us dress up. This 8th grade girl in a very cool red velvet mini-dress couldn't believe her eyes or ears when Peter, Paul and Mary took the stage. Her straight blond hair, her moves, her voice and the intensity of her soul. I had just read Joan Baez's autobiography, Daybreak. The seeds of pacifism were freshly planted in my idealist heart. My spirit felt connection to these singer song-writers and shouted out with them:
"How many deaths will it take 'til they know?"
from Blowin' in the Wind
"When will they ever learn?"
from Where Have all the Flowers Gone
When my family packed it up and moved to Idaho a few years later, the Ford Galaxy became my Jet Plane and through tears I sang with her,
"don't know when I'll be back again, oh babe, I hate to go."
The lyrics from Don't Think Twice, It's Allright
"still I wish there were something you would do or say. . ."
and the way she looked when she sang them. . . well I tried to sing it just like that when my teenage heart was broken.
My season as a preschool teacher could not have been without PP&M. We loved being swallowed by a Boa Constrictor, Goin to the Zoo and
"star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight."
The Garden Song was our anthem and we sang it for Sparkle Center Graduation. Elder Rosenburg lent his guitar, someone's Aunt Libby played the piano and Rebecca Brooks led the little voices. I watched from the side, overcome as my dream came true; Mary's voice and passion coming at me on my back yard deck through these little ones.
"So plant your rows, straight and long
temper them with prayer and song"
Then my dream really came true. I got to take my child to her first concert; Peter, Paul and Mary at the Spokane Opera House. Me and Lindsay. I think I made her dress up. My soul again rose up and we sang out, a Capella, tears streaming
"Oh oh, deep in my heart
I do believe we shall
overcome some day"
Every child of mine and every child of theirs has had a moment on my lap in the old rocking chair with Puff the Magic Dragon. And yes I cry a little, every time, when we get to
"a dragon lives forever
but not so little girls and little boys"
Mary, you held my hand as I bridged into adolescence, as I loved, lost and loved again; you helped me raise my babies and helped me let them go. You were in my car, full blast as I pledged my love to Presley on her first day of daycare. We sang, my voice faltered
"I'll walk in the rain by your side,
I'll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand,
I'll do anything to help you understand
I'll love you more than anybody can."
I live in song. There's a lyrical answer for everything. I know now it all started with that swishy blond lady. Her songs are my life's soundtrack. Like Puff, she will live forever.
"I've got a song let me sing it for you,
let me say it now while the meaning is true.
Wouldn't it be good if we could sing it together?
THE SONG IS LOVE . . . "

2009-09-07T21:32:00.003-06:00

It's birthday week for me and Steen. We already treated ourselves to a little birthday appetizer, a whirlwind trip to New York City. We knew our time was limited. There was no time for sleep, no time for makeup, no time for eating (except on the run). And run we did - subway stairs, the streets of SoHo and the four flights up to our Central Park hostel. We took our rest on a ferry trip to Staten Island, planned for that reason - to rest. We planned on sleeping on the 5 hour flight home but it was not to be. The plane was full and we weren't seated together. We both had middle seats, not so good for sleeping. I did have the joy of seeing the full moon from the window. I'm sure the guy with the window seat found me annoying but I couldn't help it. I soared with the moon until it was no longer visible. Beyond amazing.

This postcard is compliments of Lindsay the Lovely. Steen and I weren't even on the homeward bound jet plane when she sent this iPhoto souvenir to us. Sweeet!

If our appetizer is any indication of what our birthday main course will be . . .whooaa, hold on. It's gonna rock! Thanks to my mama for giving me life and thanks to my baby Steen for coming to me.

MANA stats

2009-08-29T17:11:00.007-06:00

You know those MANA statistic consent forms you pregnant ladies sign when we first start care? Well, I have you to thank for this huge pile of work in front of me. I've had all year to get this done. Now the deadline is dangerously near. I've been waiting until the precise moment when procrastination adreneline kicks in to help me out. That was exactly 15 minutes ago. I now have 47 hours and 45 minutes until the great state of Utah comes knocking on my door. It's not your fault that the pile is huge. There are some practical, organized midwives out there that complete the 6 page finely printed form for each mama immediately after the birth and submit the data at the suggested 6 week postpartum mark. I am not in their club. There is a club for me however. The keyboards of many good women will be smokin' into the wee hours on Sunday night.
The Statistics Project of the Midwives Alliance of North America is a very good thing. Even if the state did not require these stats annually, I would still participate. The Project documents the value of the midwifery model of care. It also provides proof postive that homebirth is safe.
I do seriously thank you all for permission to collect and use your valuable information for this purpose. It's a great way to do your part on behalf of homebirth midwives and the families they serve.
If anybody out there feels like coming over to share tea and chocolate, come on. For now this is my babysitter!

He is born!

2009-08-26T16:46:00.005-06:00

"My Summer of Baby Love" is officially over! The Dreamy Baby Boy is here. I have two beautiful birth stories to share. Stay tuned. So many of you have listened, read, called and supported me this summer; I just wanted you to know that he is here!

Thanks to Heavenly Father, the birth gods, a nameless Christian Science practitioner and a mom and a dad that trusted the whole design.

Thank you, Briana, for following me up the mountain this morning. Our trips to Park City have been the essence of this summer. Pretty, peaceful, soulful reminders of why we signed up for this work in the first place.

This midwife is gonna enjoy a private little meltdown now. Here's my set-up.

First, light my favorite Mexican Chocolate candle. Pacifica brand if you're interested.

Next, some Meditative tea in my only for special occasions mug. Yogi Teas is the brand. The little fortune on the tea string says "Delight the world with kindness, grace and compassion." I can do that.

I'm gonna let Pandora guide my music today. On the Bose dock. CSN&Y station. Well, look at that. S&G singing 59th Street Bridge Song, Feeling Groovy. Such a great album, Bridge Over Troubled Water.

Breathe deep

Drink up

Life I love you. All is groooovy.

Dreamier. . .

2009-08-25T15:47:00.001-06:00

drivers, chippers, putters

2009-08-25T14:29:00.011-06:00

PING! That's me, teeing off. I played golf. I know. Hard to picture it. So NOT my thing. Here's how it happened. A few weeks ago I went to the driving range with Chuck; a nice wife thing to do. Just watching is boring so I rented a driver for myself. It was thrashed, the handle grip all chewed up. Chuck shared his bucket with me and I swung away. I noticed that he stopped to watch me. With a curious smile he said, "You're really good." I looked up and said, "Yeah? Well I guess you didn't know me back in my day. I'm a grand slammer." He seemed a little wistful when he said, "No, I didn't know you then."

So when I had to cancel a promised camping trip for the second summer in a row, I had this bright idea: Agree to play golf with him. He was thrilled. I was a little nervous getting ready. I don't exactly own a golf suit. And what kind of earrings are golf appropriate I asked.

When checking in, I noticed a jar of metallic golf balls. "And throw this in," I said as I grabbed a pink one. We were off. I'm seriously good. I even got a little rush when I teed off and heard that ping noise and the ball sailed. Chuck said things like, "awesome" and "wow, that really got air." At the last hole he said I should probably use the pink ball (I'd been saving it!). I stood waiting at the tee for some old, slow guys that were ahead of us on the putting green. Here's how the highlight went.

Chuck: Go ahead.

Me: No. I don't want to hit one of those old dudes in the head.

Chuck: It will be OK. We're far away.

Me: No. It might be my lucky shot.

Chuck: I want to see your lucky shot. Come on.

So I swung away. PIIIIIING!!!!!!!!! Pinkie sailed on to the green then rolled off just a little. We were stunned.

Me: Uh-oh.

Chuck (more than a little surprised): I don't think they even noticed.

Me and golf. Who would have thought?

For Gina

2009-08-23T09:46:00.002-06:00

Maximize the screen, turn up the volume. Practice the chorus; it's gonna be our theme song. You can be Emily, I'll be Amy Ray. I think I even have some pinstripe pants and will throw my very old Doc Marten boots in the trunk. Maybe Lin can make us a countdown 'til the adventure calendar.
53 more days

My Very Own Little Jackie Paper

2009-08-20T20:55:00.012-06:00

Following a night and day at a birthing (stay tuned for a story; I'm still processing the beauty of it all), I came home, basking in yet another birth hangover. I made myself a cozy nest on the couch to savor the afterglow. Thinking about all of the amazing things that I had experienced in the past 24 hours, beginning with my crescent moon and sparkling Venus, well, I was seriously blown away. . . Baby Jack found his way to my nest. He shared the bliss of the babymoon with me. Somewhere during my singing to him, Puff the Magic Dragon, we crashed.

Puff, the magic dragon LIVES, present tense, by the sea. . . Peter Yarrow told us that himself! Remember that, Sinny?

fm db

Dreamy. . .

2009-08-19T20:28:00.000-06:00

moon and venus

2009-08-18T06:23:00.004-06:00

I wanted to call everyone I know at 6 am to witness this incredible moonset/sunrise.

2009-08-17T23:16:00.004-06:00

My 5 Gratefuls List on this peaceful Monday

1. Waking at sunrise to a feeling that autumn is close. No one home but me, Jes and Bella so I turned up the Stones really loud, "Miss You".

2. My favorite white linen Sundance shirt was clean. I'm extra happy when I wear it.

3. Three 6 week postpartum visits, three bittersweet good-byes to families that I love so much. Thanks for the hugs, cookies and promises to make another baby for me!

4. My last visit of the day, The Michaelson's. It was late, I was tired and traffic construction was bad. I was met at the door by a little boy who said, "You're just in time for Family Home Evening." And so I was fed, my cup was filled. Five little blond, jammies on kids, mom, dad, grandma and Cody the Cool Dog, singing, learning, loving. AND, after weeks and weeks of never looking at me, baby girl ran to me and let me hold and snuggle. Then baby boy came over. They are both my babies and soon will share their newborn baby sister with me.

5. Arriving home at sundown, dinner waiting and this peaceful office to sit in and savor all things good that filled my day. Can you smell the sweet Mexican Chocolate candle layered over patchouli? Can you hear Augustana "I Still Ain't Over You"?

The show is about to begin . . . I know when the stars are aligned you can

a boy and a girl

2009-08-10T15:29:00.005-06:00

I don't wanna write a love song for the world

I just wanna write a song about a boy and a girl. . .

One more baby boy and one more baby girl will soon be born. That will be the end of my summer of love. The families are doing their best to stay busy, to stay patient. These little ones know when their birthdays are and so we wait. I wonder what it's like for them, for those that they are leaving for this great big earth adventure. I'm sure it's a time of tender preparation, making sure they have all of the gifts they are supposed to be bringing. Maybe it's a little scary as well as really exciting. I hope they know that two earthly families can hardly wait to meet them, love them and help them discover the gifts they have to share.

My birth bags are packed, the car is loaded. My hands and my heart are ready to welcome

a dreamy little boy and a lovely little girl. I can hardly wait to experience the joy their spirits will bring.

get ready. . .get set. . .

2009-08-10T09:09:00.002-06:00

She is born!

2009-08-08T12:18:00.003-06:00

daybreak

saturday morning

from the midwife's sunroof

"for each child that's born

a morning star rises

and sings to the universe

who we are"

sweet honey in the rock

It didn't feel like a day and a night. The time peacefully passed. At 5:00 this morning, three of the cutest little boys ever, got a sister. Mom and Dad discovered it together at the same time. "We have a girl!" Mom held her close. Dad was beaming. This was a homebirth that couldn't have happened without the intuition of the mom and the dad. At 20 weeks an ultrasound indicated placenta previa. There was only one option for the midwife. Risk them out unless further ultrasounds and maternal-fetal specialists agreed that we were safe. They knew it would be OK but went along with my requests. A month ago we got the "all's well" that we needed. I am so happy that this little princess was safely born in her parent's bed at the quiet of daybreak. Blessings of gratitude for the peaceful spirit that reassured me that we were in the right place.

Good Morning Baby Girl

midwife's moon

2009-08-06T23:20:00.002-06:00

to hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

and Eternity in an hour

Great swirls of light

2009-08-05T21:17:00.003-06:00

Not in entire forgetfulness

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home.

I've been tethered to home since mid-May. This is unusual for me. I thrive on adventures; spontaneous trips to anywhere. There's only one thing that can keep me in the county, especially during the summer - due dates or in midwife-speak, EDBs. Estimated Date of Birth is just that, an estimation. For each mom there is a 5 week range of normal. There is no way of knowing when you can escape for a few days or not. Summer "on call" has been my lifestyle and it's not over yet.

I remember when this stretch started. I took a quick trip to Washington in early May. When I got home, Chuck and I discussed summer plans. I took a deep breath and reminded him that I had to stay close to home, within cell phone range for the next 4 months.

"Can we go to Pasco for Memorial Day?" he asked. NO.

"Can we go somewhere for the 4th of July?" NO.

"Can you go to Seattle with me in mid-July?" NO.

"Can we go camping?" NO.

Although midwife life has it's challenges, being married to a midwife is far worse. I get to witness the joy of mamas, papas, babies and families being born. There are times when I am aware of angels hovering near sending off a new life and angels hovering near to help receive that fresh spirit. There is sacred stillness in every birth space, whether it is during the middle of the night or during the middle of the day. This sweet baby boy was born in a house on a hot afternoon in the middle of the busy city. I wonder if the folks walking by could see the great swirls of light that surely surrounded us. Present in the small living room where he was born were his parents, his big brother, yet a toddler, his grandmother, his 3 aunts and 2 midwives. It was an honor to be a part of that circle and everyone present expressed over and over how peaceful yet powerful this birth experience was.

There was a small sliver of time right after this baby was born before he took his first earthly breath. It was like time standing still, like I was holding heaven for just an instant. His eyes were open as if he were communicating, "I have so much to tell you. Help me let go."

I call it "tween" time. It's beyond magical when it happens. Soon the baby sputtered, gasped, shifted his gaze to his mama and started to cry. It's a blessing to witness every time, new life and the hope that each life brings to this planet. I know that and give thanks every time.

At this birth there was something extra. I'm not sure I can describe it. It's as if every part of me was finely tuned in to the miracle. My senses were sharp, my mind was clear and the day was perfect; filled with an abundance of love and peace. I was open to the rich lessons this birth had to teach me about life, my work and the relationships I cherish.

Just hours old, as I did the newborn exam, this little one really connected with me. It was a spirit to spirit thing. A few days later when I visited, I held his head in my hands and he gazed into my eyes. It was an intensely spirit filled connection, again, and I wanted to cry.

I looked forward to my postpartum visit today. Once again, he filled me with an amazing affirmation that heaven is real and still lingering close around him.

I would not trade my summer experiences thus far for any adventure to anywhere. I've witnessed the trailing clouds that these babes bring.

I love my calling. I am blessed. Thank you baby boy for trusting me with your secrets.

Uncle Michael

2009-07-27T01:23:00.004-06:00

Gavin and Michael Gallivan Center April 2009

Michael Franti is sick! Really sick, at Cedar-Sinai Hospital. His appendix burst and his belly was full of infection by the time he got to surgery. He had a set back today, infection at the incision site. C'mon, Mike, your music is the sound of sunshine. From all of the Larson's, big and small:
We Got Love For You! Please get well soon! See ya at PTTP!

For my ol' man

2009-07-19T01:35:00.003-06:00

We are right smack in the middle of the vast and amazing.

After changes upon changes

2009-06-11T00:00:00.002-06:00

And the years are rollin by me.
They are rockin evenly.
I am older than I once was, and younger than Ill be.
Thats not unusual.
It isnt strange,
After changes upon changes,
We are more or less the same.
After changes, we are more or less the same.
Paul Simon

Facebook and e-mail is rockin' my world a little bit. I connected with some good old friends. Not just "some friends", but soul mate, kindred spirits that have reminded me where I once was. Reminded me that it was good. Gina. Glen. You are family. You came before I knew my children and the grandbabies that light my soul. You came first. We knew we were living the Wonder Years. We soaked it up, did adolescence in complete awareness and with an intensity that we knew would always connect us. You left imprints. You are a part of me still. I cherish. I treasure. I will never forget. I was lucky then. I am lucky still.
Gina: The name game, batons (we really wore white leather boots and twirled fire!), 10-speeds, boy watchers, cocoa butter, KLAN (not the racist thing), DTL, softball all stars, Karmann Ghia power, red nail polish, barefoot summers, Pismo Beach, that freak pigeon, johnwoods, a tent library, Donovan, your mom Angie, Catch a Falling Star. . .
It's all crystal clear, I can seriously taste Schofield spaghetti and the Nestles chocolate sauce we made for our ice cream.
I remember the last time I saw you. Your wedding night. You drove off with your honey in a limo en route to the airport in LA. I drove off with mine, home to Nevada and my 8 year old son and 3 year old daughter.
Glen: A flannel shirt, the smell of Dentyne, Rolling Stones, the well developed guitar playing muscle in your hand, 2001 A Space Odyssey, doodling geometry problems, your mom Lorraine (she had to drive you), church day, church night, church dances, that song by Oliver, "Jean", a bus depot. . .
I remember the last thing you said to me the last time I saw you.
I have a pocket full of stars. I have not forgotten who I am.

See you in a few days, girlfriend,
Miki Atlantis

Gavin West - A Love Story

2009-03-28T22:27:00.002-06:00

My daughter, Lindsay was due with her second baby Feb. 7th. Her first, Lucas was 2 weeks late. As her midwife, the logistics of caring for her long distance (nearly 700 miles) were challenging but we did it. She came to SLC a couple of times, I made some trips to WA and a midwife friend in WA did some fill in prenatal care. Knowing when to leave my home for her home was a bit trickier. I didn't want to come too soon and evoke the "watched pot" syndrome or as my husband says, "hover". So, I made my plan and had a plane ticket in hand for Friday, Jan. 30, 3pm.
My Thursday was full up with prenatal appts. I started early, left for Ogden at 8:00 and worked my way south hoping to be home by 9 pm to start laundry and packing. I met my mom and sister for lunch in Layton and was there when Lindsay called me for the first time. She said she was having some tightening and it hurt down low. Suspecting Braxton-Hicks that were nudging her baby down, I told her to eat, drink and lay on the couch. She said there was no real rhythm to the sensations so I went on with my day. At 2:00, I called to check on her and she said there was still no pattern. What she was experiencing however, caused her to stop in her tracks and she sounded unsettled to me. I asked her if she would go to the local midwife to be checked and she said, "No. I don't want to seem silly. I'm sure it's nothing."
I was nearing Point of the Mountain on my way to Eagle Mountain. My self-talk went along the line of "Is she in labor, 38 weeks, 5 days? Should I try to get to her now? How can I do that? What needs to be done?" Then I started making calls. First to my daughter Christine at work. I knew she would be in front of a computer and could look up Southwest flights for me. Next I called my sister Amy, also at work because she knows how to find Delta's schedule. I called a recent homebirth mom in Lindsay's neighborhood looking for an inflatable birth pool since ours wasn't scheduled for delivery until Feb. 3. No answer. Hmmmm. Try another midwife nearby. Left a message. Christine and Amy called back with flight times. Both airlines had flights out at 5 pm. Delta would get me to Pasco and Southwest would get me to Spokane where I could rent a car and drive 2 hours. I called Chuck and asked him to try and get my Delta ticket changed. Ever the practical, steady half of this marriage, he suggested we talk about it when he got home!! No, the plane leaves at 5. I have to be at the airport by 4. It's 2:30 and I'm now in Lehi. OK, he says, but Lindsay needs to be checked by Ginger (the local midwife) first. Another call to Lindsay. She's crying now. This really hurts. I told her I could be on a plane and would either be there at 6PM or 10PM but she needed to be checked first. That was my last contact with her. I called Ginger's office to brief her on the situation and she suggested Lindsay come in soon. Next call went to my daughter-in-law, Amelia, a homebirth mama who lives across the street from Lindsay. It took a minute for what I was asking of her to register. Lindsay needs to go to Ginger's office NOW. She agreed to leave immediately, 4 kids in tow. That was my last contact with Amelia. The other local midwife called and said she had an extra birth pool, LaBassine, no less and would call and tell Lindsay where she could pick it up. Thank you. I made calls to cancel the rest of my day's appts., brief Briana and work my way through the construction in Saratoga to get home. I still had no confirmation on anything. Was Lindsay in labor? Could I get an airplane ticket? It was beginning to feel surreal.
I got home sometime after 3. What should I do first? Am I really leaving? At least start moving in that direction. Try this sometime. Imagine what you would pack if you had 15 minutes to get it done. I threw some dirty laundry in a suitcase, a favorite sock without a match and the oddest assortment of birth equipment. Oh, might as well throw in that bag of Naartje goods I got for the grandbabies and the cool woolen drawstring instrument bag (empty) that Lindsay made for me awhile back. Uh-oh, can't leave the doppler gel in my messenger bag. Ziploc that and throw it in the suitcase. Grab your laptop, phone charger and throw the dogs out on this sunny afternoon. Oh, better print your Delta conf. # just in case Chuck gets it changed. I have now lost all sense of time and reason and am moving through this haze on pure adrenaline. Purse with ID, 20.00 cash off of my desk, a coat. Don't forget the new knit scarf, the messenger bag and the suitcase. GO.
I got in the car and didn't have my phone. Another dash back into the house. I heard the end of a message on the house phone. ".....(?) cm, 50% effaced, you should leave now." OK. I'm on my way, somehow.
A few miles down Bangerter Highway, I tried Chuck again. He answered and said he was having trouble connecting with Delta. It was already 4 PM. I doubted I could make either flight but told him I would continue on to the airport. My NO FUEL light came on. Yikes. My mom told me to get gas! Then my car started this weird lurching thing when I accelerated. Please little Passat. Keep going and may these stoplights cooperate. No luck. I hit them all red. Waiting, lurching all the way to the airport. Around 3500 South Chuck called. His words. "Delta. You're on. Go!" I called him back. Should I forget about checking the suitcase and just run? He told me to park in the garage as near to the skywalk as possible and call him. I did. 4:25PM. "You have 35 minutes so go ahead and check your bag."
It seemed like everything moved so slowly. I fumbled at the kiosk and had to get help. Oh, yeah. They charge for the suitcase now. Find your debit card. My helper realizes my flight leaves at 5PM. “Oh my! Walk briskly,”he says. I KNOW! Finally the bag is checked, documents are in hand and I'm off to my gate. I heard my name called. "Will Cathereeeen Larson report to blah, blah" I'm there. Now I'm instructed to walk/run to gate 42! That is at the very end of Delta's new and never ending walkway. I called my consultant Chuck to tell him I was almost on the plane. He was relieved and said, "They won't leave without you." Cool. Incoming call. It's Andrey, Lindsay's husband, wanting to know when I will be there. I tell him 6PM and he sighs relief. A quick call to my sister Amy. She wants to know what she should be doing. I tell her to do Lindsay's thinking for her, instruct Andrey to get the pool up and filled and grab some good protein food for me and pick me up at the Pasco airport.
After nearly boarding a plane to Missoula, I found the way to my plane, my window seat. Phone turned off. It's all up to the birth gods now. This must be what "on a wing and a prayer" means. I tried to doze. Couldn't. Read the Delta travel mag then the Sky Mall catalogue, drank my plastic cup of ice water and nibbled on my Gourmet Center Biscotti.
As we began the descent to Tri-Cities, the view from my window overcame me. The sun was setting and the mighty Columbia River was weaving its westward way. Mount Hood was in the distance and the color of the sunset was incredible. Gazing out, I felt wrapped in warmth and assurance that all would be well. I felt a strong, binding connection to my little grandson. For the first time in weeks, I paused and let the peace fill me. I started to cry a little and readied myself for whatever would come.
We landed early. 5:40 PST. A call to Amy. She was on her way and pulled up to the curb just as I came out with my bag. She handed over the Arby sandwich and briefed me with what she knew. "Ginger is with them at the house. Amelia dropped off some groceries and supplies and said it sounds like a birthing going on." I asked how long ago that was. "Oh, about 45 minutes ago" Amy says. "Oh, Amy, Hurry!"
We pulled up to Lin's house and I ran in. I was met by feelings of peace and loud music. "Such A Way" by Stephen Kellogg. That girl loves her Birth Playlist!. Then I heard it. The strong, primal vocalizing that only a birthing mama can do. I followed it into their dim bedroom. There she was. My strong baby girl on her hands and knees in the birth pool supported by Andrey's strong arms. Midwife Ginger softly said to me, "He's coming." I reached in and felt a dime sized bit of baby head. "Oh, Sinny, I'm here. You are so strong and so beautiful. Your baby will be here soon." She moved instinctually and surrendered to the powerful surges that moved her baby closer to this world. Ginger reminded us that the baby would be passed forward through her legs and Andrey would help bring him up. Right then, Lindsay said she had to move. She turned over and her wee one crowned. I cradled his head, felt a little ear. The head was out, he turned, a loop of cord was slipped from his neck. He was gently born and lifted to his mama's arms. It was there that he took his first breath, opened his eyes and announced with a lusty cry, "I am here."

Peace, Love and Pearl Midwifery

2009-03-27T20:23:00.003-06:00

There is something so magical about following the path as God illuminates it. Starting a practice of my own as I felt inspired, keeping my heart and mind open to my best way and embracing the women that were somehow led to me - well, it's just simply cool. My intention was to grow my practice organically. No website, phone book ad or brochures. When I step outside and look in, I am so pleased. I love my spaces. My home office and the new spot in Sugar House that I am sharing with Pearl's sister, Fern Midwifery. I feel peace in both places, the feeling that I want my clients to be bathed in. My systems are nearly complete, just a few more forms and documents to go. My first years taxes are done, my lab connection works and I now have an ultrasound tech that I love committed to seeing my mamas in my office! My fax machine really works. I've figured out the electronic birth cert filing thing (it really scared me as did requesting lab pick-ups). I've grieved and rejoiced with special women and give thanks for every experience. Here's my grateful list for the night ~

1. I love Briana and the way our dance has invented itself.

2. I love my helpers - Lindsay's vision and tech skills, Nat's flexibility when I get called out on Presley's night, Steen's listening ear when my heart's a little heavy, Jade's empathy for the 40 week bellies, Amy's counseling skills, my mom who holds my heart with unconditional tenderness and Amelia who inspires me.

3. Chuck. He has spent most of 2009's Friday nights alone and protects my sleeping space for the rest of the weekend. He paid for the accountant and the attorney so my foundation would be strong. He set his own doubts and concerns aside and encouraged me to fly.

4. Another Mason and sweet Baby Leo, both born under the most beautiful moons.

5. The MCU students. I love them. They are on a path that will demand so much, not only from them but from their families too. They receive my offerings and share their wisdom with me. "Each one teach one" is alive and well.

happiness runs

2009-02-18T23:36:00.007-07:00

I'm not sure why I feel so happy today. I have a full blown sneezy, drippy cold, I'm way behind on commitments, there are dishes in the sink and I have 50 lbs. to lose before Hawaii (8 weeks)! It has to be one of the following three things:.

My new salt crystal lamp

Chuck think it's ugly, Pretz thinks it's a rock.

I believe the label that was on it that said

it would release happiness ions into the air.

This extra sweet valentine

I had to go to the post office to pick this up.

The clerk lady loved it almost as much as I do!

It could be

Pretzel Pony tail Princess skirt.

Catching up

2009-02-18T22:17:00.016-07:00

So much to be grateful for . . .

~the birth of Fern and Pearl,

believing we could make a difference

and now we are seeing the fruits~

~my baby was born as a mother,

mother to carson "reggie" sky~

~my baby was born again in baptismal waters~

~andrew, mason, samuel, jovan, phoenix~

~a vacation to the pacific ocean with pretz and her mama~

~santa fe, mmmm~

~"all i want is you"~

~steen and nat celebrating a place of their own~

~a pause to experience the inauguration

in a hotel room with the little larsons~

~a snowy saturday in downtown salt lake with sinny~

~leaving on a jet plane, feeling the sunset, picked up by amy in time to

cradle the emerging head of

gavin west stoyan~