Warming up . . .

I have something big goin' on in this head right now. Gestating.
2009 has filled me with experiences, joy, sorrow, wisdom and most of all, vision.

To borrow from the Indigo Girls:
"Now I wait like a widow for someone to come back from sea,
I've always known, I was waiting for me"

From Jamie Glenn:
"Walk tall, you're a daughter, a child of God,
Be strong and remember who you are"

And from scripture, Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

"Search diligently, pray always and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good"

Streams of light are filling my vessel. I feel physically strong and healthy, mentally aware and ready, and spiritually attuned. There is good energy surrounding me, beautiful people and opportunities everywhere I turn.

I love when everything opens up and clarity washes over me. I have a lot to do. Lead my family, guide my birth clients, mentor MCU students, strengthen the Association of Utah Midwives, and a big planet to travel upon.

This month of gratitude is overflowing with blessings. Today's top 5 ~

1. Knowledge of a God in heaven that is aware of me, hears my prayers and holds me gently when I am feeling fragile.

2. Midwives and mamas. Both are wise and powerful. I get to midwife both; as president of Utah's state association and as a birth guide.

3. Jade. Today I am most grateful for Jade. She is brave. She is pretty. She is intuitive. She is mine.

4. My daddy. He speaks to me through sunsets. This first man I ever loved, ahh, I miss him terribly. He taught me to slow down, savor, love deeply, be good to myself, believe in dreams and to never, ever buy cheap shoes!

5. Gina's man, Myles. How can you not love a man that calls you on the phone and says "Is that you KitCat?", folds your laundry and and laughs hard at the ridiculous things that come out of your mouth?

Good things are happening. I'm looking forward. Mmmmmmmm. . .


KitCat, Friday the 13th, 2009, on my way to rock the midwives

Rebirth

Sailin' on here. . .

I'm getting ready to post birth stories and rebirth my blog. Hopefully tonight if my blog advisor is available. I shut it down to catch my breath and refocus for a minute. My apologies to those of you that couldn't access birthrightly and were confused. I've had a few distressed phone calls. So sorry.
Anyway, for your pleasure while we wait. . .let me introduce you to the new man in my life, Xavier Rudd. Move over Michael. It feels like you are selling out and that scares me. That TapTapTap game and going on tour as John Mayer's opener, not feeling so good right now.

Still, I wish there were something you would do or say,
To try and make me change my mind and stay
(Still got Mary Travers on my mind)

Make some tea, light a yummy candle and maximize the screen. Cozy on up and indulge yourself with the whole 6 minutes and 14 seconds of this asset to the planet.
Everything's gonna be alright. . .
Everything's gonna be alright.
No woman no cry.
All my love,
Cath

Deep sorrow

I just got the word that Mary Travers is gone, left this world yesterday. I loved her. As I have been sitting here, listening to her beautiful voice, I am realizing how much of an impact this woman has had on me. My very first concert experience was at Selland Arena in Fresno, CA. Me, Gina and my dad. He made us dress up. This 8th grade girl in a very cool red velvet mini-dress couldn't believe her eyes or ears when Peter, Paul and Mary took the stage. Her straight blond hair, her moves, her voice and the intensity of her soul. I had just read Joan Baez's autobiography, Daybreak. The seeds of pacifism were freshly planted in my idealist heart. My spirit felt connection to these singer song-writers and shouted out with them:
"How many deaths will it take 'til they know?"
from Blowin' in the Wind
"When will they ever learn?"
from Where Have all the Flowers Gone
When my family packed it up and moved to Idaho a few years later, the Ford Galaxy became my Jet Plane and through tears I sang with her,
"don't know when I'll be back again, oh babe, I hate to go."
The lyrics from Don't Think Twice, It's Allright
"still I wish there were something you would do or say. . ."
and the way she looked when she sang them. . . well I tried to sing it just like that when my teenage heart was broken.
My season as a preschool teacher could not have been without PP&M. We loved being swallowed by a Boa Constrictor, Goin to the Zoo and
"star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight."
The Garden Song was our anthem and we sang it for Sparkle Center Graduation. Elder Rosenburg lent his guitar, someone's Aunt Libby played the piano and Rebecca Brooks led the little voices. I watched from the side, overcome as my dream came true; Mary's voice and passion coming at me on my back yard deck through these little ones.
"So plant your rows, straight and long
temper them with prayer and song"
Then my dream really came true. I got to take my child to her first concert; Peter, Paul and Mary at the Spokane Opera House. Me and Lindsay. I think I made her dress up. My soul again rose up and we sang out, a Capella, tears streaming
"Oh oh, deep in my heart
I do believe we shall
overcome some day"
Every child of mine and every child of theirs has had a moment on my lap in the old rocking chair with Puff the Magic Dragon. And yes I cry a little, every time, when we get to
"a dragon lives forever
but not so little girls and little boys"
Mary, you held my hand as I bridged into adolescence, as I loved, lost and loved again; you helped me raise my babies and helped me let them go. You were in my car, full blast as I pledged my love to Presley on her first day of daycare. We sang, my voice faltered
"I'll walk in the rain by your side,
I'll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand,
I'll do anything to help you understand
I'll love you more than anybody can."
I live in song. There's a lyrical answer for everything. I know now it all started with that swishy blond lady. Her songs are my life's soundtrack. Like Puff, she will live forever.
"I've got a song let me sing it for you,
let me say it now while the meaning is true.
Wouldn't it be good if we could sing it together?
THE SONG IS LOVE . . . "

It's birthday week for me and Steen. We already treated ourselves to a little birthday appetizer, a whirlwind trip to New York City. We knew our time was limited. There was no time for sleep, no time for makeup, no time for eating (except on the run). And run we did - subway stairs, the streets of SoHo and the four flights up to our Central Park hostel. We took our rest on a ferry trip to Staten Island, planned for that reason - to rest. We planned on sleeping on the 5 hour flight home but it was not to be. The plane was full and we weren't seated together. We both had middle seats, not so good for sleeping. I did have the joy of seeing the full moon from the window. I'm sure the guy with the window seat found me annoying but I couldn't help it. I soared with the moon until it was no longer visible. Beyond amazing.

This postcard is compliments of Lindsay the Lovely. Steen and I weren't even on the homeward bound jet plane when she sent this iPhoto souvenir to us. Sweeet!

If our appetizer is any indication of what our birthday main course will be . . .whooaa, hold on. It's gonna rock! Thanks to my mama for giving me life and thanks to my baby Steen for coming to me.

MANA stats

You know those MANA statistic consent forms you pregnant ladies sign when we first start care? Well, I have you to thank for this huge pile of work in front of me. I've had all year to get this done. Now the deadline is dangerously near. I've been waiting until the precise moment when procrastination adreneline kicks in to help me out. That was exactly 15 minutes ago. I now have 47 hours and 45 minutes until the great state of Utah comes knocking on my door. It's not your fault that the pile is huge. There are some practical, organized midwives out there that complete the 6 page finely printed form for each mama immediately after the birth and submit the data at the suggested 6 week postpartum mark. I am not in their club. There is a club for me however. The keyboards of many good women will be smokin' into the wee hours on Sunday night.
The Statistics Project of the Midwives Alliance of North America is a very good thing. Even if the state did not require these stats annually, I would still participate. The Project documents the value of the midwifery model of care. It also provides proof postive that homebirth is safe.
I do seriously thank you all for permission to collect and use your valuable information for this purpose. It's a great way to do your part on behalf of homebirth midwives and the families they serve.
If anybody out there feels like coming over to share tea and chocolate, come on. For now this is my babysitter!

He is born!

"My Summer of Baby Love" is officially over! The Dreamy Baby Boy is here. I have two beautiful birth stories to share. Stay tuned. So many of you have listened, read, called and supported me this summer; I just wanted you to know that he is here!

Thanks to Heavenly Father, the birth gods, a nameless Christian Science practitioner and a mom and a dad that trusted the whole design.

Thank you, Briana, for following me up the mountain this morning. Our trips to Park City have been the essence of this summer. Pretty, peaceful, soulful reminders of why we signed up for this work in the first place.

This midwife is gonna enjoy a private little meltdown now. Here's my set-up.

First, light my favorite Mexican Chocolate candle. Pacifica brand if you're interested.

Next, some Meditative tea in my only for special occasions mug. Yogi Teas is the brand. The little fortune on the tea string says "Delight the world with kindness, grace and compassion." I can do that.

I'm gonna let Pandora guide my music today. On the Bose dock. CSN&Y station. Well, look at that. S&G singing 59th Street Bridge Song, Feeling Groovy. Such a great album, Bridge Over Troubled Water.

Breathe deep

Drink up

Life I love you. All is groooovy.

Dreamier. . .