Sunday, October 31, 2010

* *

Max the screen, breathe in this last day of October, look forward.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

crucial conversations

Some people are curious. What is it like to be your daughter's midwife? What is it like to have your mom as your midwife? Questions a bit beyond "Why a home birth?".
It's a part of our life. Not that mysterious or anything. Here's a peek.

Lin: What did you think when you walked in to the house?
Me: Well, it wasn't what I expected. I would have skipped my bath, got here faster.
Lin: You were expecting to sit up and watch TV with me?
Me: Yeah, make some tea, maybe set up the birth stuff.
Lin: We didn't even get the candles lit.
Me: I know. I did turn out the hall light so it wouldn't be shining in your eyes.
Lin: Yeah, I could see the Mother Love's Commune sign in your room though, and the peace flags.
Me: Oh, the lamp was on in there I guess. And the playlist, I managed to hit play.
We smiled about that. . .

me: You like waterbirths huh, Sinny.
Lin: Yeah.
me: You don't want a land birth.
Lin: Never!

Wild Charlie's cord has reached that unpleasant stage. I'll say no more.
After a little grammy sponge bath as I was getting ready to swaddle him up -

Lin: Mom, get that off of him!
Me: No, it'll fall off soon.
Lin: Mom! Can't you use your utensils. Take it off!
Me: (cracking up now, never heard instruments called utensils) No, it will bleed. It will be off soon.
Lin: I'm calling Grandma.

vw van cruisin, truckin' spirited, lava lamp lovin, red star, peace babe
my little fox

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Announcing . . .

. . .the arrival of

"Wild Charlie"

Charlie Grey Stoyan
born on a rainy Sunday morning
October 24, 2010
5:05 am
9 pounds 21 inches

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

marvelous night for a moon dance

The Blue Bridge

Full Moon Rising

Moon Dancing on the Columbia

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Goin' to the dance!

There's something about Giant's fans. . .
I am PROUD to be from their tribe!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010



There's nothing quite lake the sun rising over the Utah mountains from my back porch. . . except maybe the sun setting over the Columbia River from the Blue Bridge. My goal this week is to find the perfect spot to capture the sun and the moon in all their power on the water here.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

We are sailing . . .

Monterey Bay
October 19, 2009

Monday, October 18, 2010

Calling a circle

For the children of our children. . .

There is a tradition in many cultures to call for a circle. It is common in midwife world, I know. Student midwives recently gathered early in the morning to lend their strength and faith during a tender time. Their loving gift of support carried a midwife, made a difference.

We sang together:
May you walk in your life as a woman
Clear and loving and strong
May you walk in your life as a woman
Trusting the path you are on.

I wish every student, every midwife, every friend, every sister, every lover of peace, every believer in the Spirit, every ancient mother and every future mother could join in my circle tonight. I think you can. Circle 'round for each soon to be born baby, for their mothers, for their grandmothers, for their midwives. Circle for those that grieve, for those in need of release. Lend your strength, share your love, add your voice.

. . .keep the circle whole.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

a heart for a pair of wings

"It's possible to merge something that you LOVE with what's important to you"

Holding the space. . .

Many of you have asked how things are going here in Tri-Cities. It's all good.
Lindsay is more beautiful than ever. Her growing baby boy will most likely come close to his estimated due date on Andrey's birthday next Monday. It is a blessing to have some time to settle in here before my role as midwife is called for. We've been sewing and cooking, washing baby clothes and holding the space. There is no need to hurry. As always when "the day" gets closer, I like to think about what the baby is doing. The final touches are being added, lungs a bit stronger each day, body systems readying for the big transition and positioning for a smooth ride out. There's the spiritual readiness as well. He's gathering the gifts that are his to bring to this family, to this planet. There are goodbyes being shared in that place where all is light. I can imagine a big spiritual gulp on his part as he looks earthward. For my part, I am savoring the prep time on this side and sending courage to baby boy's side. Midwife mama is a unique place to be. I am grateful.

This is where I live .

This is why I do it.


Monday, October 11, 2010


I miss you baby girl.
I think you should hop in that new Subaru and come spend a weekend here.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Go Giants!

I can't help but think of the GOOD OL' DAYS. . .
The 3 M's, Mays, Marichal and McCovey,
the Alou brothers, Jesus, Matty and Felipe
young Bobby Bonds and big Kevin Mitchell,
the battery of Gaylord Perry and Dick Dietz,
the double play dudes, Jim Ray Hart, Ron Hunt, Jim Davenport, Hal Lanier.
I breathed baseball from April to October, I LOVED these guys.
Today as the Giants play off with the Atlanta Braves I am time traveling back to Washington School, 6th grade, Lemoore, CA. I played with boys. At lunch hour when teams were being picked I could count on Don Wolfe or Chris Filipi to choose me. Usually 1B, sometimes SS. I never threw like a girl, my dad taught me to swing for the fence. It was tricky in a dress, but I managed. I held my own, no special considerations for Scofe.
I just heard that my Giant loving team mate, Chris Filipi, died this week.
For you, my friend,
I hope THE GIANTS make it to the dance!

Friday, October 8, 2010

and the birth story begins. . .

up early
patchouli bath
favorite old linen shirt and pants
hugs to nat, jack and pres
an egg, some toast, a nibble of cookie,
the Avett bros

load the car and write the note
grab my bags and grab my coat
tell the ones that need to know
we are headed north

yep, me and li'l red are off
headed north
over the Blues, across the Columbia
i've been waiting, preparing
outwardly and inwardly
to share sacred birth space with my own girl
i love you lindsay ann
so much gratitude for this day, for this season
for the light that this baby boy is bringing

Sunday, October 3, 2010


This is my dream board.
I want to sit here, knees pulled up tight,
with a juicy book and a pomegranate Izze.
'Jes can curl up underneath.
You can come over.
I'll happily pause, share some fresh plums.
We can talk of Steinbeck, Michelangelo, The Beatles, babies, the weather.
I can see the sun rise and set from here without even moving,
watch the full moon rise, make its way across the sky.



star so far

In this world you've

a soul for a compass

And a heart for

a pair of wings

There's a star

on the far horizon

Rising bright

in an azure sky

For the rest of the time that you're given

Why walk

when you can fly?

Mary Chapin Carpenter

. . .this life we've been given

You've got to reach high to be risen
The day you let go
Is the day you are forgiven

Friday, October 1, 2010

So Grateful

Another beautiful day in Utah! I keep hoping that if I give thanks and exclaim out loud every morning, that these pretty days will just keep coming. So in that spirit, here's my grateful list for today.

1. October. It's here. Sweet, peaceful, harvest moon, earth colored October. I love you, look forward to your coming, grieve when you leave. I know you will be sweet this year. I have a road trip over the Blues coming up, maybe will even slip away to Leavenworth, WA to drink up your best moments.

2. Amy. She is my sister. Amy and Devin. They got married! Amy, Devin and Cameron. They are a family!!! Jubilation!!!! Party tomorrow in Wyoming!!!!!

3. A little chaos. It's a good thing. I almost got all the way caught up last week and it was kinda scary. I like having some unsettled parts to work on.

4. Tea. It's the season again. I need a new teapot. I spent a couple of hours at The Beehive Tea Room yesterday with Briana. Our intent was to outline an upcoming class. We tried. Mostly we drank tea and enjoyed our sidetracking tendencies.

5. Oh, wonderful Playmobil. I love you so much. Why in 7 years have I not been to The Tutor Toy Shop in Foothill Village? They are the equivalent of a preferred provider for Playmobil. I'm grateful for the little people around here that share my happiness. As if I need an excuse to play! Yesterday I got the ice cream shop and this smart little pirate. He will find his treasure. Maybe it's at the ice cream shop!