Sunday, November 20, 2011

Love Letter

Dear Kate,
I love you.  You sustained me, carried me as a midwife during the most difficult time of my life.  Quietly, with humility and dependability you showed up every time I called.  Sometimes you even showed up before I knew I needed you.  Appreciation and relief flooded me every time. Often you were sick with pregnant hormones pulsing and always you were tired, probably more than me. You were right there when a nuchal cord was too tight to slip over the baby's head.  You knew just what I needed when a cord suddenly snapped, when the bleeding was too much.  After an all night labor when I was losing objectivity, I called you for reinforcement. You came quickly and eased in as primary midwife. You allowed me safe space to cry, to openly grieve Briana's passing.  You never tried to fill her shoes, you wore your own and the fit was perfect. 
Just about the time we got the dance perfected, you were gone.  Trusting, leading your family to your new home in California.  I miss you.  I admire you.  I am in awe of your power and strength.
Soon she will be here.  Your baby, Lilly. You have worked your way through the labyrinth of doubt, fear and models that are not midwifery.  You know.  I am so grateful for a few days with you as you prepare to stand in your birthing power. Thank you for your warmth, for making a little beach time, for trusting me in your space, for sharing your family and for being Kate.
Peace my sister,

Toby's Beach

Five Gratefuls

Ahh, Sunday morning.  This is the very first time since Mexico that I've had unscheduled, slow moving time.  Time to think, ponder, sort and simply Be. I find myself full to the brim with gratitude.  There are many big things that bless my life.  Today it is the little things that cause me to smile.

I love doing home visits.  I could do prenatals in my house or at the Sugar House office.  There is no question.  The visits to the homes of my home birth families are the highlight of my work. Me, Li'l Red, good music and sometimes an apprentice, hit the road in the early morning and come home happily tired as night falls.  This beautiful basket of pears was a gift from the Palmer's on Wednesday evening.  On Thursday, the pears sustained me and Liz as we traveled the valley. Sometimes it's food, sometimes it's a special preparation like home made iron syrup, sometimes it's drawings by the children.  Always, it is the knowledge that I am standing in the space that will soon be sanctified by the birth of a baby. 
I give so much thanks for my birth families and their homes.

My soft cotton Sundance night shirt, I love it and am thankful for this simple pleasure.
This is what I wear when I want to feel like a lovely girl. When I intentionally (as opposed to falling asleep in my clothes on a couch) climb in my comfy bed and head for Zzzzzzz land.

Luxury.  I am grateful for the very rare mornings when I don't have to get up early. This is what staying in bed for a lot longer than is virtuous looks like.  I put on my glasses, open the laptop and Pinterest the morning away.  I used to read the morning newspaper.  Now I Pin.  I'm much happier this way

I am grateful for casual, no worries, no stress moments like this.
Early morning sand, linen pants pooling around my feet and chipped red nail polish.  Something about this combination makes me smile.

I am grateful for meeting this place,
at the end of a magical pier on the powerful ocean. 
The smiling people, the full moon, the taste of salt, the sound of ships and seals, following my heart. . .
A little vacation extension 

Monday, November 14, 2011

the way it is

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

time to go home . . .

My Spanish skills peaked a few days ago.  My brain is tired now.  I was sitting at the table in our little house this morning.  Obdulio came to the back screen door.  It startled me a little.  I proudly said "Hola Ob-la-di!" He just said "Buenos dias."
Do you dare me to call him Ob-la-da tonight?
. . .life goes on
< >

for GB Wiens

This is a slight variation, an idea from your Pinterest board.
                          I may have carried creative "postre" a little too far. It was good though.



Saturday, November 5, 2011


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Friday, November 4, 2011

Be Peace Now

Good morning.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


I am becoming braver by the day.  If I want to swim in this beautiful water I have no choice.  First there were the lizards.  They are small and I don't fear them, just wish they would announce themselves. Next came the sand crabs.  They are about the size and color of a small pancake.  If they get worried, they quickly burrow up to their eyeballs in the sand. Yep, just two black eyes and antennae poking up to be stepped on. No thanks.  About the time I decided sleeping on the beach would be cool, the bats came.  20 inch wingspan, not kidding.  OK, I know about radar but they come really close.  Next, the hermit crab walking along the back porch.  Really, they are tarantula gross in moving shells. Today it was the iguanas.  After a dozen or so I just decided to think of them as lazy cats.  No problem.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

day of the dead

It didn't work out quite like I had planned.  It was better. It rained super heavily most of the day so the water park plan was out.  In Tulum town I asked around, got directions for a church and cemetary but it was too early.  Some of the bars had stuff going on but not what I was looking for. So we went home. There was a perfect little arched shelf with a Mexican statue just outside the front door.  I made an altar from things I had collected in town. A new rebozo, some chocolate, pastries, my necklace, Frida shirt and a candle. From my limited music choices I chose El Condor Pasa.  It was quite a beautiful time of celebrating the life of Briana and wishing her to Be Free.
I read something that I have taken in to my heart yesterday.
"In Judaism there are 3 stages of grief to be endured.  First there is weeping, for we all must weep for what we have lost.  Second comes silence, for in the silence we understand solace, beauty, and comfort from something greater than ourselves.  Third comes singing, for in singing we pour our hearts and regain our voice."

Lookin out my back door

Nuestras Casa Nah Yaxche

I love Apple genius.  I realized that the iPhone charger that I brought was the take apart kind. Then I thought, hmmm, wonder if it will hook up to this little Acer computer.  I am no genius.  This thought process took 3 days.  Ta Da.  We have pictures.  More to follow. Gotta run into town.  Today we will have guests AND they are staying overnight.  Just discovered we have a whole separate casita with a bedroom available for visitors.  Hurry! Come over. I bought some great Mexican tea, found a little panaderia with bizcochitos.  True.  . . .and I have the best story ever to share!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

points for me

First, a shout out for Banana Flan! I had no idea. . .
OK.  I had a real conversation with Obdulio. He does not even try an English word so I had to work it. It was about comida por quatro persones manana, chile rellenos con queso, empanadas pollo (dos, por favor), tamales carne y mole. Then we came to the quantos dinero por Flor part.  First she has to go shopping so we have to front her some dinero.  It took a minute and some paper and pen but we got it, 500 pesos, not 50. I even knew how to tell him what time to come over.
We are having guests!  It's a long story but a good one. A new client and her husband, just met them and found out they were coming to Cancun. I extended a dinner invite and just received an email that they will come tomorrow. It's kind of cool without cell.  If they can find their way thru the mangroves to this casita it will be exciting.
I found some ocean, turtle grass free in Tulum late last night. I'm going back asap.
About bathing suits - I haven't found them necessary when the mermaid impulse hits. However for a beach vacation they are a wardrobe staple. Along with the Nikon and the Flip, I forgot my bathing suit - not even a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.  I thought of cutting off some pants but really didn't want to take a kitchen knife to linen or hemp. Sooo, that left me with swim wear from the Mex grocery store.  I now own a hideous maroon tank with flowers on it.  My "board shorts" are worse. Navy blue stretch cotton with a hot pink waistband. Oh, and some man flip flops, navy blue. Nice!  I am grateful that I forgot the camera.
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