Saturday, May 28, 2011


OK, Briana, we're gonna keep going. I didn't get those typhoid, yellow fever, malaria fighting bugs in me for no good reason. Remember our first trip to the U Travel Center. Well, we were late for the first appointment and they wouldn't let us in. I was secretly relieved. So, I guess it was our second trip there. The perfectly scripted nurse never missed a beat until we asked, "Uh, could you get us an unbundled tetanus?" And you said no to Hep, was sure you'd had it. And absolutely no way are we getting them all at once. And could you please explain the malaria meds again? Risks, benefits, alternatives. For our next visit we were reassigned to a different nurse. Then, the morning after conversations. Are you OK? Feeling autistic?
That was a year and a half ago! We still haven't travelled to the remote lands together. The only way we are gonna do it now is with you on my shoulder.
The MCU students will be gathering here in a couple of weeks. A new workshop is being offered: Global Midwifery/Cultural Sensitivity. I'm opening that day for you, presenting your Guatamala expedition. I am also closing up the day with Senegal and the simple mission statement that we embraced following those trips. The Universal Woman.
Why didn't it happen for us together I wonder. I have to believe there was a reason that we were required to stand in our own power, face our fears and move confidently forward - in different places. We're sure getting our chance now.
I've realized that patience isn't always a virtue. Sometimes it's a crutch, an excuse for treading water. I'm gonna take our work forward in a straight line. The best of the best are being called, organizing, preparing with you as the wind in our sails.
I will never forget our complete disbelief, disappointment and even anger following our presentation just days before you left. They tabled questions for the following month's agenda!
If I've learned anything from you it is this:
Do not assume that everyone else is the expert.
Do not accept the status quo.
Research, research everything.
If it feels wrong, it probably is..
Tables with stirrups should have gone out with the other confining tools of their day.
Girding up and closing your eyes is not the best behavior.
Stand in your power.
Stand for those who can't.
Stand to deliver, or squat, but never ever let them make you submit on your back.
WE are experts in the field of the holistic care of women. We have seen things. We know things. We go forward Bri. Not like we thought it was gonna be, but yes, onward. So, my girl, keep shining, light the dark places and believe.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Beatles Crazy

friday morning
a day to give thanks
gonna surround myself with all things beatles and do just that
if all beatle's songs were taken away except for one,
which one would you beg to keep?
here's mine.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

gypsy dreamin'

~To the Road of Magic
where truth and happiness
grow from seeds~

I have a couple of weeks off call and a baaad case of road trip fever.

Any suggestions??

Monday, May 23, 2011

pockets full of sand

Lindsay called. She's loving PP&M today.
She said: Mom, text Briana. Tell her to go find Mary Travers.
Great idea.

Jet planes and leaving and goodbyes and other worlds
Sending off or flying out
I wonder which is harder

So I best be on my way, in the early morning rain. . .

5 Alive!

Hurray for Pretzel!

really don't know clouds at all

I've heard this song thousands of times. Over 40 years of Joni, Judy . . . others.
Today, just today, for the very first time I listened to it.
Wisdom. I thought my vessel held you. Today, not so much.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

playing house

A baby girl was born yesterday.
In a cabin.
In the mountains.
In Utah.

from my journal. . .
a mother is about to be born. K, young, doing this for the first time, is all about beauty and power. her baby girl is getting closer. i picture little H, perched like a pixie in another realm waiting for her moment to slide into this cabin cozy world. her daddy has her first pair of skis ready. yeah, that's how i see her. like a little skier in the gate waiting for the "go" sign. the fireplace is gently warming the room and somewhere norah jones is singing. an aunt stands above in the loft snapping us up with the nikon. M is whispering all the right thoughts in his lovely's ear.
sarah and i hold the space as good midwives do, knowing that very soon even more power will rock this young woman to her core.
i miss briana. our last work day together was here. she in red boots, me in old birks. M shuttled us in by snowmobile.
i love sarah. we are here. together. a long way from home. a long way from where we started.
peace to you baby H.
we will catch you.

And then she was born. Her daddy brought her up out of the birthing water.
There was something about this one. So dreamy. So blissful.
Is it because this mom and this dad are not holding their fantasy life out for someday? He lights the fire. Now. She places the flowers. Now.
I'm gonna carry the magic of this one for a long time.
Now matters. Our memories and our future depend on how we live Now.
Lucky you Baby H. You are going to Live and Laugh and Love hard, Now.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


It comes, uninvited.
I'm learning to let it in, short visits.
I don't say much, just "I miss her."
It finally leaves.
Then I make mental promises, things I'm going to do, never going to do.
Maybe I'll invite it to come over. Make a party of it.
Maybe we can become friends. At least I will feel. Something.