Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 5 Waves

Before leaving Utah, everything felt so chaotic. I couldn't get the loose ends tied up.  I wasn't ready.  Thank you Gina for so wisely guiding me to simplicity and clarity.  You asked,"What are you hoping this trip will bring to you?" Long pause.  My answer. "I want to shake everything out of me. Like turning a vessel upside down and shaking it 'til it empties. When empty, I want to sit in stillness and let myself slowly fill with only that which matters. I want this trip to unclutter me, to bring me peace."
I think today I nearly reached empty, everything almost out. It took longer than I thought. I tried earlier in the week to pull out my notebooks, start moving but I couldn't even ask the question of myself, "What next?" By now I thought I'd be mixing it up with local midwives. I found some connections but it doesn't seem like the right time.
 Me and the sea.  That's where I'm dumping my chaos. The waves were big today, powerful and close together like a lady's transition in labor. I wandered into a little shop and found the perfect journal for collecting directions for What's Next. Before I go to bed tonight, the last of my mental clutter will be laid out.  When the pinkset sky wakes me, I will be ready.

Day 4 My Lucky

Up with the sun.
At 5:30 am the most incredible thing happens. The sun starts creeping up over the sea in the east.  It starts as a gentle pink wash and progresses to all shades of the red family until the big ol' orange ball commands you to get up and take note.  Every morning, I do. I go out on the upper deck and watch the whole thing.  When it starts, Miss Venus is so bright just above the horizon.  Then I run to a deck on the west side.  The moon is just thinking about setting and taking his very shiny friend, Jupiter, with him. It's almost too much to take in. I feel such amazement to be under an arc created by the sun and the moon as Venus and Jupiter see eye to eye. Powerful. I know this would never grow old. It would only grow more and more precious, these things that matter most.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Day 3 Halloween

We are staying near a really cool place called CESIAK, Centro Ecologico Sian Ka'an. It is a biosphere reserve and the hub for some amazing work.  They also provide a variety of tours, offer bio tent cabins and a small restaurant that provides fresh local food. We signed up for a 3 hour boat tour.  I seriously hummed the Gilligan's Island theme song all day. I must say this.  Our skipper looked nothing like Gilligan's skipper.  Jorge. Long, wavy black hair that he pulled up into a messy bun. He's been studying flora and fauna out here for several years and hopes to write a one of a kind book soon.  I like a good, smart hippie.  The tour of the lagoon on the west side of us was cool.  Half way out we all jumped in a canal and went with the flow. I am always a little scared of the fauna. I know I'm due to see a snake soon and there were good size fish visible.  I do not like fish fluttering on my skin. I felt proud of myself for getting over it and floating down.  We met up with our boat and headed back.  Guess what?  Jorge gets all excited and makes the driver slow down.  There was a crocodile in the water.  We got right next to him. Scary eyes!  Happy Halloween!  I will probably not float down jungle rivers again.

Dia de los Muertos 2012

Does 2 years in a row make a tradition? I think so.  I am in the Yucatan on Day of the Dead just like last year. I just created a fitting altar for Miss Bri and as I sat down to write, Bon Iver randomly came on. Very cool. Last year the missing was so raw. I tried hard, really hard to channel the emotion into something good. I know Briana would hurt so badly if all that was left of her here was grief. Sometimes I feel her in the seat beside me as I drive to births in Li'l Red. Sometimes I see her perched in the room at a long labor. But only sometimes now. She is helping me create my new song, one good verse at a time. I am not rushing it because I like when she is close. During the space between these Days of Dead, The Briana Project was created. I have attended the births of Norah, Brinlee and Elliott. As Ian said on Terrible Day: "Cathy, she will still be with you. She will just be on the other side guiding the babies down to your hands." He was right. I love you Briana.  Here is your altar. I have placed my Africa bag on it.  You left soon after my first trip and were the reason for my last trip. There is a beautiful white seashell. It reminds me of our 3 week road trip that included Thousand steps beach and Big Sur. I bought you some Tres Leche cake. You Blackie girls introduced it to me. I had to have some Pan for you tonight. I waited in a Mexican bakery today, waited and waited until the baker was satisfied.  He wrapped it still warm for you. The last thing is the book I just finished, La Partera. It feels like we're gonna serve Latin women next, Bri. On American turf and underground.  We had many discussions about it.  Vanessa and Becki are working the Guatemala connections.  If that's where we need to go, help us out. Come on over to mi Casa Houston, girl.  Let's make some Mexican hot chocolate and break bread.