. . .a few of my favorite things

jerry garcia, my favorite ornament

almost couldn't find him this year

always makes Christmas happy

something old, very old
this angel has been a part of Christmas

since forever ago

thanks for grounding me with rich traditions, mom

something new, sweet children's book
The Nativity by Julie Vivas
LOVE those slippers

the taste of Christmas morning

since we were 3 grownups this year,

i did it up grown up style

mmmmmmmm. . .

Steinbeck's The Pearl, my favorite book of all time
"If this story is a parable, perhaps everyone take his own meaning from it and reads his own life into it."
This edition was printed in 1947

i am so looking forward to this. lucky me!

a red beauty. LOVE that wooden snowflake tag.

my stock replenished. comfort.

i've been wishing and waiting for this.
i think i may have surprised some folks with O Susannah today.

i'm going to put on some happy concert clothes,

stick the matching DVD in and rock and roll with Paul Mac.

anyone want to come along?

looks like a good date to me.

Merry Christmas

someday we'll all have perfect wings

That's an itty bitty silver peace sign pinned over my heart today. I stuck it there in honor of an itty bitty baby girl that couldn't stay. Only 19 weeks gestation yet able to radiate peace, able to touch us in the deepest part of our heart, the part we keep sacred for souls like hers. I held her mama and her papa held both of us. He knew. It wasn't her turn. Not yet, not here. He told us.

He will stand vigil over her tonight as his Buddhist traditions give him strength to "send her off".

I give thanks for men that are strong enough to be oh so gentle.

Prayers for the mama

Prayers for the 3 year old sister

Prayers for a midwife that is supposed to know why.

5 Gratefuls

1. The places I have been. . .
When hiking and the trail seems endless and difficult, it's good to pause and turn around, taking in all the places you've been that got you thus far.

2. Maggie Traore, my sister midwife in Burkina Faso. I'm remembering an evening when she was at my house and we cooked a Thanksgiving feast just for ourselves. She was an apprentice at my first primary birth as a student midwife and again assisted me at my first birth as a new midwife. We also shared sacred space and time at the Jordan River temple. Missin' you, Maggie.

3. The African Children's Choir. I saw them first in Kennewick and most recently in Salt Lake City. I'm remembering good times driving around with my little girls in a minivan singing along to their cassette tape, "Let There be Peace On Earth", and "From a Distance". . .

4. Christine Elisabeth, I love you pretty one. Wasn't NYC great! We're going beyond New York next time. Get ready.

5. The places I will go. I'm going to finish the hike. Not just Mt. Timp and Big Sur. More. I can't wait to take in the view from the top.

midwifing midwives

When Jodie Palmer took the helm as president of Midwives College of Utah, amazing things happened. Not only did she change the name, define the mission and take MCU to an international level, she breathed life into student midwives. I was nearing the end of my studies and Briana was a new student. Bri and I thank our lucky stars daily for the gift of lives touching and paths crossing at that point in our journey. I count having Jodie as a mentor in my life one of my greatest blessings. I consider my role as her midwife a sacred honor.

" May you walk in your life as a healer, clear and loving and strong

May you walk in your life as a woman, trusting the path you are on"

Briana, Jodie and me

December 13, 2009

"Circle 'round the planet

Circle for each soul

For the children of our children

Keep the circle whole."

Diane, Heather, Jodie, me, MCU president Kristi Ridd-Young, Bri

Celebrating Jodie at her home

"The errand of angels is given to women

and this is a gift that as sisters we claim

to do whatsoever is gentle and human

to cheer and to bless in humanity's name"

Jodie, Aunt Cindy, mother Mary Ann

As Jodie's birthing draws near, Bri and I look forward with great anticipation and humility to serving our beloved mentor. We have been taught to trust the path we are on.

in their 20's

"wear your ruby shoes, when you're far away, so you'll always stay home in your heart"

Lindsay Ann, Natalie Brynn, Christine Elisabeth, Alexandra Jade

December, 6, 2009

Lovely Lindsay

In 6 more hours she will be here! I can't wait!
A few years ago, the Stoyan three spent some time in this nest. Their housemates were plenty: a mom, a dad, 3 teen sisters, 1 itty bitty Pretzel, 2 dogs and 2 cats and we all slept upstairs!
Sometimes if we were paying attention, we noticed peace amidst the chaos.
That December was one of those gifts of peace in our lives.
Lindsay and I bundled up and escaped one day to 9th and 9th.
Peppermint hot chocolate, scarves and mittens, ribboned boxes from Children's Hour, snowflakes falling. . .we knew we were in the middle of magic that day. One night we set up a little art corner and created our "first annual" mama and her girl Christmas card project. Did we know what we were starting that night?

Last year we knew we had to make the "second annual" happen. Lindsay and her belly full of baby boy flew home. It was every bit as wonderful as we knew it would be. We added a crazy adventure to some antique stores that we'll never forget, bought some big brother a Holga camera after browsing the Holga gallery, fell in love with oatmeal brulee at Eggs in the City, as well as the pilgrimage to 9th and 9th and the Christmas card project. I feel a song in process here - "On the 3rd year of Christmas. . ." We will go to 9th and 9th with or without scarves and mittens (no snow yet!), and we have already begun gathering for the Christmas cards and yes, we will breakfast at Eggs in the City. We are adding The Beehive Bazaar, tonight, 9 to midnight, a Mama Gathering on Saturday morning and birthday dinner for Jade on Sunday. What else Sinny? Park Cafe, Gateway, Temple Square lights, Ikea, date night with Pres, at least a dozen possible favorite "comfort" dinners at home, movies on the green couch, hang out time with little sisters, time with Amy and ??, Santa pictures with Gavi and the best music always.

Your nest is ready baby girl. What a gift you are to me! I love that you know how to embrace the good part and savor it. Another chapter is bursting to be written. I cannot wait!

The Moon Song

Time go easy on me tonight. . .

Let the moon follow me home

Followed your road 'til the sky ran out. . .

Now the moon's gonna follow me home

Emmylou Harris

south jordan, front porch, 7:33 am

"the chaos about thee. . ."

can't sleep. no, i didn't get up too early, just never went to bed. i hate when this happens. it's been me and 'jes, the phat black lab and some bad tv. my last season of nights like this was over 4 years ago. i got thru it by spending nights in my office on my perfect chair. it's all been redone. eclectic red treasures have been replaced, the chair moved upstairs, the space all cleansed and refreshed. however, i've noticed that no one hangs out in there anymore. it used to be a place for the weary to be recharged, including me. a place where i've held heavy hearts and poured mine out during some long nights. something is wrong. my office still smells so good, music stills plays, 'jes still curls up under my desk. is it the chair? i saw a beauty in santa barbara last month that i could order. did i break the spirit of my sacred space by scooting all the sweet memories out? other than my desk, this framed gem by lindsay is all that remains from my original space. i need my corner of the world back.
if you ever spent time in my old cozy office, please share your memory of what you felt there.
at this crazy hour of the nightday, i'm reminded of an old quote.
"the chaos about thee is but the confusion within thee"
it may all appear to be orderly. my vision of where i want to be is clear enough.
still there is something clogging the path. fog.
yes, i need my healing place.