Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 5 Waves

Before leaving Utah, everything felt so chaotic. I couldn't get the loose ends tied up.  I wasn't ready.  Thank you Gina for so wisely guiding me to simplicity and clarity.  You asked,"What are you hoping this trip will bring to you?" Long pause.  My answer. "I want to shake everything out of me. Like turning a vessel upside down and shaking it 'til it empties. When empty, I want to sit in stillness and let myself slowly fill with only that which matters. I want this trip to unclutter me, to bring me peace."
I think today I nearly reached empty, everything almost out. It took longer than I thought. I tried earlier in the week to pull out my notebooks, start moving but I couldn't even ask the question of myself, "What next?" By now I thought I'd be mixing it up with local midwives. I found some connections but it doesn't seem like the right time.
 Me and the sea.  That's where I'm dumping my chaos. The waves were big today, powerful and close together like a lady's transition in labor. I wandered into a little shop and found the perfect journal for collecting directions for What's Next. Before I go to bed tonight, the last of my mental clutter will be laid out.  When the pinkset sky wakes me, I will be ready.

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